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Welcome Back
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It's great to be back writing the Coach's Bench this month. Here's a small confession:
I gave myself a break from writing last month, because there was simply too
much summer fun available. I've included a picture of our boat, X Dimension,
finishing a race. That's a clue to what I've been up to. I hope your summer
was equally exhilarating and that you have been enjoying this glorious New England
autumn.
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Be Your Own Power Company
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 Hearing
about Hurricanes Charlie and Frances and Ivan and Jeanne reminds me of
the frustrations we endured after Hurricane Bob in 1991. Our damage was
minimal compared to the recent scenes of destruction on TV, but the debris
from downed trees and wires around town was awesome, and then there were
the five days without electricity. Power company crews from as far away
as Ohio and Michigan were tackling the mess. I confess I chased one down
and begged the driver to reattach the wires to our house so life could
return to normal. That out-of-control situation made me a little crazy.
Ironically that lack of power caused me to surrender my own power.
When you react negatively to circumstances and annoyances that you can't control,
such as hurricane damage, gloomy weather, traffic or the noisy guy on the cell
phone in the seat next to you, you are in effect giving your power away. The
plain truth is that you always have a choice of how to react. You can let those
things make you angry and frustrated or you can choose to retain your personal
power by deciding to impose an internal boundary. When you choose the latter
you are able to view situations more objectively. The situation remains, but
your energy is not drained. All that negativity you were expending is discharged.
You Always Have a Choice of How to React
I find in my practice that virtually everyone needs to be reminded about claiming
and retaining their personal power. We learn to surrender personal power at an
early age, and most of us never quite get over it. When we are young we are taught
many things that are absolutely necessary, but often we rebel, so that by the
time we are teenagers we may have learned that responding by fuming in silence
is the path of least resistance. This fuming or sulking may get results, but
it is not mature productive behavior.
We need to unlearn that out-of-control reaction. We need to learn that we have
choices about the way we respond to outside influences. Being aware of claiming
personal power, what I call being your own power company, is essential to masterful
living.
So what is personal power? I believe it is living in total integrity with your
inner core, the person you know to be your highest self, and with those around
you. Personal power is intangible, and it is closely linked to your relationship
with a Higher Power. It is that inner voice that speaks from your soul. Consider
this visual: Imagine a mountain stream that tumbles through rapids, and then
opens into a calm, deep pool? When you are caught up in the trials of daily life,
you can find your personal power by turning to the calm, deep pool within, the
source of your inner wisdom.
Flex Your Personal Power Muscle
To use your personal power, try this exercise: The next time you are made to
wait overlong in traffic or in a grocery checkout lane, and your blood is boiling,
tell yourself that you do not wish to surrender your personal power to this situation.
It has already cost you enough time and negative energy. Instead, separate your
self from the situation. Say something to yourself such as, “I don't need to
be embroiled in this. My body is here, but my mind is above this negativity,” or “They
can keep my body waiting, but my power is my own. I will not surrender my power.”
When you refuse to surrender your power to negative and vexing situations, you
gain an objectivity that is extremely powerful. You will find that you are able
to observe the scene from outside. One client describes it as hovering over a
situation. You will find by distancing your self from what is uncontrollable
you are able to see beyond. For example, instead of anger and frustration you
may see humor and interesting behavior.
Last year I was made to wait for three hours in a doctor's office. When I started
to fume, I reminded myself that I would not surrender my personal power. Almost
immediately I was able to appreciate the beautiful autumn light streaming through
the window. I became curious about how the office was being run. Due to new software
all that afternoon's appointments had been double-booked. I saw the humor in
the varying stories the staff told in order to calm the angry patients. I was
able to calmly weigh my options about whether to stay or leave.
Personal Power In Relationships
Claiming your personal power is especially important in relationships. If you
are like most people, you go on tolerating behavior that impacts your life negatively.
Let's say that someone you live or work with is constantly putting you down or
being negative or assuming too much about you. The typical reaction is to seethe
silently and perhaps grumble to friends. What you are actually doing is giving
your power to that person. The way to take your power back is to make the conscious
decision to do so. Saying something to your self like “I will not give this person
my power. I need to retain my energy for what is good,” is a good way to distance
your self and gain objectivity.
Many people are guilty of giving their power away in relationships out of neediness
or habit. You give away your power when you are miserable if “he” doesn't call.
You give away your power when your well being depends on closing one contract.
You give away your power when others can interrupt you at their whim. You give
away your power when others can “push your buttons.”
Break the Power Draining Habit
Decide today to break the habit of giving your power away. Start noting when
this is happening. Does the evening news leave you feeling angry and helpless?
Then you are giving your power to network news. If you make comments such as “I
am just not that smart” then, you are letting your personal power slip away.
I ask my clients to keep a 24-hour log of what they are thinking, saying and
doing that drains their personal power. Many are amazed by the negativity they
are harboring.
You need all of your energy to live your best life. Don't waste a single moment
on negative self-talk and responses. Your personal power is there to help you
meet every challenge. Use it!
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A Word About My Practice/ Contact Information
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A Word About My Practice/ Contact Information
If you or someone you know would benefit from a personal coach, please call or
email me to arrange for a sample session. Call 781-934-6804 or email jcollins@joancollinscoach.com .
To understand more about the coaching process or the services I offer visit my
web site www.joancollinscoach.com .
Stonehill College
I am currently teaching a course, Attract What Is Good Into Your Life, at Stonehill
College in Easton. The response has been so positive that it will be offered
again in the winter. For more information contact Darlene Marks at
508-565-1295.
Massasoit Community College Corporate Training
This fall I will be offering the following courses:
Nov. 10th 9 - 3:30 Balancing Work & Family
Dec. 8th 9 - 12 Leveraging Time
Contact Irene Donoghue, for more information.
I am now offering seminars in businesses and in college and university continuing
education programs for business. If you or someone you know would be interested
in offering such a program, please contact me.
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