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What To Do When a Hoover Dam Problem Enters Your Life

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We've had our first frost, and the marsh outside my window is growing more golden each day. It's a good thing we feel invigorated by autumn, because we rush to take in the last days of summer-the last warm walk on the beach, the last roses from the garden, one last sail before hauling the boat. I love Indian Summer with all its bittersweet moments. And then there's the Red Sox!

I've been busy indoors too, getting my web page launched. Please do visit at www.joancollinscoach.com. Be sure to take the Quality of Life Quiz, and let me know how you like the whole site. What else would you like to see there?

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What To Do When a Hoover Dam Problem Enters Your Life

"Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life." Eckhart Tolle

This month I'd like us to consider those Hoover Dam-like problems that stop the flow of our lives. We all have problems: There's no milk for your cereal; your project was "eaten" by your computer; your daughter's teacher hates her, or so she claims. Even though these problems are uncomfortable, they're as common as crab grass. These are not "Hoover Dams."

A "Hoover Dam" problem (I'll just call them Hoovers) is a bottleneck that occurs when we perceive our lives to be on hold until there is a solution. When you have a Hoover, you can't see any way to get through it, because something or someone needs to change before the problem can be resolved. Hoovers leave us feeling impotent and humble. We agonize over them for months, even years, running over the same scenario until we are exhausted. The outcome is up to us, though. Depending on how we respond to a Hoover, it can break our spirit or enable us to move far beyond our original goals.

Let's look at some examples:

#1 The Businessman
Your business has one large customer that accounts for 80% of sales. This single customer has afforded you a comfortable living for the past twenty years. Now your customer has new management, and they intend to replace your company with another vendor. You didn't intend to let your business become so vulnerable, but you did, and now you're stuck with a huge inventory that is useless. Worse yet your capital is tied up in that inventory, and you lack the funding to develop new markets. You can't move back to the old relationship and you can't afford to move forward. You have a Hoover.

#2 The Professional
You are in a profession you've grown to despise, yet you've spent a small fortune and a good deal of your youth training for it. What's more you're successful. Your waiting room is clogged with patients and you are in constant demand. Your family has become accustomed to the status and lifestyle your position provides, creating expectations you feel compelled to fulfill. But when the phone rings at 2 AM with an emergency call, you are in a private agony. How did your life get so complicated? How can you tell those who depend upon you that this life may be killing you, that you feel trapped, that you want out? You have a Hoover.

#3 The Homeowner
You've found a home you love, although it needs a lot of work. You just know it won't stay on the market for long, so you take the plunge and purchase it before selling your existing home. This seems a bit risky, but the market is hot and surely your house will sell in a few days. Nine months later you still haven't sold your home, and the builder is ready to remodel the new one. Paying taxes on two homes is one thing, but the cost of remodeling without revenue from your original home is overwhelming. You have a Hoover.

Ask What, Not Why

Most of us have endured a Hoover or two and know how painful they can be. We become frozen from fear, indecision and frustration. When we are in the midst of a bottleneck everyone else appears to be prospering, and we find ourselves asking a lot of "why" questions. Why did this happen to me? Why did I let this happen? Why now? Asking why isn't helpful. When we ask why, we tend to tunnel in on our distress. Ask what instead. Questions that ask "what" force us to look for solutions. Here are some questions to ask when you have a Hoover:

• What must happen for me to move beyond this problem?
• What part of this problem is totally out of my control?
• What part is within my control?
• What is the opportunity?
• What is my worst-case scenario? Can I live with that?
• What is my best-case scenario? Can I live with that?
• What steps must I take to initiate a break in the bottleneck?
• What can I learn from this?

Get Creative With the Problem

When we have a bottleneck we feel completely out of control. We think we have no choices. If the first step in getting beyond a bottleneck is to answer "what" questions, the second step is to get creative. It is important to answer the "what" questions first in order to have a refreshed view of the situation.

Are you ready to get to work creating some solutions? The good news is that you do have choices. Here are just a few choices you will want to consider:

1. Work with what can be controlled and discard what can't. Our businessman in the example above can control his history with the customer; he can't control the future. Where is the opportunity in controlling the history? Maybe he can use it to convince the new management to continue the relationship. Or his history may be an asset in mining untapped opportunities among the other 20% of his business. To be creative would mean focusing on what he has that is working and letting go of the way it was before.

2. End-run the problem. This calls for setting your sights on a goal on the far side of the problem and figuring out how to reach that goal regardless of current obstacles. In the example of the professional, an end-run may mean he envisions an opportunity to repackage his career. Perhaps he can eliminate the stress or the press of a large practice. After answering the "what" questions he would be in a better position to know what he wants and what he isn't able to tolerate.

3. Take back your power - Seize the opportunity Problems are problems as long as we see them that way. The minute we accept a Hoover as a natural part of life, as it is in this moment, we shift from a negative consciousness to a positive mindset where we are free to explore opportunities. This is when we take our power back! We no longer let the problem control us. We move actively toward solutions. As soon as our professional in the example sees that his problem is a natural part of his life, at this moment, and that it is OK for him to feel as he does at this moment, he regains his power. Now he is in charge. After answering his "what" questions he will be ready to get creative.

4. Check for self-made obstacles. Often Hoovers are products of our imagining, although they feel like reality. This is particularly true when we are afraid to tell someone important to us how we are feeling. In the example of the professional above, it is quite possible that his expectation that his family won't support a change is a huge part of his bottleneck. Until he communicates his feelings to them he won't know the depth of his problem. More than likely his family would rather spend more time with him than enjoy the lifestyle he feels they want. He needs to take this risk in order to get creative with his future.

5. Walk away - make another plan. Letting go is sometimes the only solution. This is not an easy thing to do and frequently becomes a last resort after months of anguish. It has been my experience that you cannot let go with the expectation that by letting go the problem will be solved as you expect. It doesn't work then, because the expectation means you aren't truly letting go. In the case of the homeowner, letting go would mean making the decision to put both homes on the market and letting the Universe choose. I know of a case where this choice resulted in a sale of the original home within 24 hours. True letting go works like that.

Obviously there are many ways to solve Hoover Dam problems. Having an open mind is the most important element. All of the choices I have presented call for letting go of the need to control the outcome.

I have a few places left in my practice. If you or someone you know is struggling with a Hoover Dam problem, I'd like to help you find a way beyond it.

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What's News

My class on The Principles of Attraction, which begins in Duxbury on October 23rd and runs for four weeks, is nearly filled. Call Pat Walsh, 781-934-7633 for availability.

Remember to check out the Southeastern Mass Business Journal for my Coach's Bench column.

Again, please visit my new web site at www.joancollinscoach.com. I'd love your feedback.

I had the honor of appearing as a guest on WATD talk radio. The program was Estate Planning With Jerry Battista. We had a full hour, and what fun we had!

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A Word About My Practice

All I can say is "wow." My practice has been filling at a remarkable pace. I still have a few openings, so please call me at 781-934-6804 or send me an email soon if you'd like a sample session. And remember, if you or someone you know is facing a Hoover Dam problem right now, I can help.

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