"The
Secret" by Rhonda Byrne has been phenomenally successful. Most of
you have likely heard or read about the book, and while I agree with what
is written, I find the content thin. For that reason the it presents a
fine opportunity to delve deeper into what goes into putting attraction
into action. ("The Secrets Behind the Secret" is a title I liberally
borrowed from Coach Barb Richardson.) In the book the authors paint a breezy
picture of feeling good. "What you think about the most will appear
in your life." and "Your thoughts become things," are two
of the mantras.
We have witnessed the power of thought, both good and bad, there’s
no argument that our thoughts affect our outcomes. When good things start
to happen it’s as though the floodgates are opened. On the other hand
when we get into a downward spiral, it can feel like there’s no bottom.
Speaking of floodgates, I’d like to talk a bit about the notion
of flow. Visualize for a moment a pipe through which a great deal
of water must pass. In order to keep the water flowing smoothly, that pipe
needs to stay clean and free of debris. But over time pipes become clogged
with plant matter or sludge or sediment and it becomes necessary to keep
that pipe clear so water can pass through it easily.
I think our minds work in much the same way. When we are enjoying good
mental health, feeling fully alive, utilizing all of our talents and opportunities,
it’s likely that our minds aren’t clogged with the debris of
daily living. In coaching we call that a state of living effortlessly, of
being in the flow. In order to put the message of "The Secret" into
practice we need first to be certain that our minds are uncluttered and
ready to flow.
Thoughts as Habits
The debris of daily living is accumulated over a lifetime, and that’s
why we need to stop and clean it out now and then. For better or worse our
thoughts are habitual. We get into a groove that was likely formed early
in our lives, and we tend to spend much of our mental time there. We take
excursions out of those grooves now and then, often with fascinating results,
but at the end of the day we fall back into those grooves, like a needle
in an old fashioned record groove. Therefore in order to put the ideas in "The
Secret" to work on a regular basis we must focus on changing habits.
Tools for Changing Habits and Clearning Mental Space
1. Clean out your mental pipe. In order to allow good
thinking it is essential to clean out your mental pipe and perhaps your
closet too. What do I mean by that? We are all stuffed to the brim
with clutter – mental and otherwise. I challenge you to identify that
clutter and to systematically go about clearing it. I want you to make a
detailed list of everything in your life that you are tolerating. Look around
where you are sitting right now. What is bugging you? What is draining your
energy? A stack of mail? Your messy desk? Vines that need cutting back?
Once you have made your list of "tolerations" decide to do one
of the following with each of those tolerations: Do it, Dump it or Delegate
it! For example, if you have a big pile of mail sitting there in front of
you, will you handle it right away yourself, have someone else handle it
or throw it all in the waste can? What about that printer that hasn’t
been working right? You get the picture. It is helpful to break those tolerations
into categories, namely environment, work, relationships, financial, personal.
To clean out your mental pipe, you need first to clear away all of those
tolerations. They take up enormous space in your brain and draw down
your energy. In my attraction classes I always make tolerations my first
assignment, and students report back what enormous relief they feel once
their tolerations are handled. Just so you’ll know, I had four legal
pages of tolerations when I first did my mental cleansing several years
ago. I now keep a running list that runs to about 10-12 items at any one
time. If you want to become less frazzled, deal with the tolerations.
2. Get into the driver’s seat of your own life! Many
people today are ruining their lives in order to pursue a lifestyle.
When I say many, I mean I think this is an epidemic in our society. I once
wrote a newsletter on this very issue called, "Driving Down the Road
to Nowhere." How many of you have been nearly run off the expressway
by someone flashing their lights and honking their horns, in a terrible
rush to something terribly important, obviously much more important than
where you are going? I’m getting pretty tired of the one up-man-ship.
I’m going to ask you a few really personal questions that only you
can answer. Listen up: Do you suspect that your quality of life would
be better if you focused more on what you truly value and your quality of
life, rather than on the external trappings that you feel you must have?
Are you at peace with what you are doing? Are you holding onto a dream that
is costing you tremendous energy? Are you being true to yourself?
Understand the difference between a life that is directed from within
and a lifestyle that is directed from outside. A lifestyle is about brand
names and buying an identity or prestige. A life is what you lead when you
know what matters to you and you let that control your behavior.
Lifestyle gives a fleeting kind of peace and acceptability that comes
from the superficial recognition by others of what you’ve bought into.
Lifestyle makes you powerless, however, because it is dependent on externals.
Life is different. In life, your self-esteem comes from what’s inside
you, not what others might think or say. That is true power. Lifestyle may
attract superficial people for superficial reasons for a short time, but
true, deep attraction comes from the satisfaction and joy of living a life.
When you live the life you were meant to live, doing the work you were meant
to do, and enjoy what pleases you, instead of collecting meaningless lifestyle
trophies, you will be full of joy and energy. You will please yourself and
attract others to the joy and completeness of your being.
What does all of this have to do with cleaning our your mental pipes?
I think it’s pretty obvious that when you are filled with striving,
acquiring and pushing yourself in an endless rat race, where enough is never
enough, you are going to encounter enormous stress, and stress creates the
debris that blocks the flow of authenticity. When your self worth is derived
from people outside yourself, you will never have the mental calmness to
attract. When, on the other hand, you derive satisfaction from inside yourself,
the flow can go on unimpeded.
So get into the driver’s seat of your own life. If you want to drive
a Mercedes, then by all means do so, but be sure you are making that choice
for your own sake and not because you feel you must. Dump the lifestyle
baggage and live free!!! Don’t live someone else’s dream. It’s
your life.
3. Live with what is, right now, in the present moment. Let’s
face it; change scares us. Whether it’s a change in income or a change
in season, there are countless changes, and we simply don’t like it.
So when change comes along we cling fervently to what was or what we think
should be. We look at change as a threat to our safety, health and emotional
balance. We convince ourselves that change brings high risk and little chance
of good results.
To be attractive, it is essential to change your relationship with the
future and the past and to engage fully in what is taking place in the present.
Try this exercise: With the paper that is right in front of you, draw
a circle. Draw two vertical lines in the circle creating three equal spaces,
representing from left to right the future, the present and the past. Think
about where your mind spends most of its time? Do you spend the majority
of your time thinking about how things will be better in the future, or
fearing what might happen in the future? How much time do you spend thinking
about the way things were or what you should have done differently in the
past? Make a rough estimate of how much time you spend in each category.
When I first did this exercise I assigned roughly 85% to the future and
about 10% to the present. Virtually everything I thought and did in the
present was about getting to the future. Boy was that an eye-opener. That
one exercise made me realize how little I was relishing the present. Life
was quite literally passing me by while I was working like a dog for an
uncertain future. The future is always uncertain, let’s face it.
All we have is the present moment. So let me ask you a question: Are you
responding fully to the problems and the opportunities that are occurring
right now in your present or are you resisting? The present, rather than
the future, is where you start to make changes so that attraction can find
you. Embrace what is. Love life! If what is stinks, develop an action plan
to change it, but embrace it all the same. Embrace the challenge. Stop resisting
and go with the flow.
Relish each day; relish the sights, the sounds, and the smells. Relish
the sunshine and the raindrops. Relish the smiles of those you love and
the quirks of those whose lives you cross. Stop resisting and start relishing.
This day will never come again. Don’t squander it! Say thank
you!
I know this is pretty hard to swallow if you are currently dealing with
illness or grief or tragedy. It is hard to accept that the present is perfect
just the way it is. But we need to accept that there is a grand scheme to
things and that life is what happens while you are busy making plans. The
coach who taught me this powerful lesson was dealing with MS. She could
barely speak, but she was incredibly joyful and oh so attractive living
in the present moment.
It’s pretty obvious that living in the present clears out an enormous
amount of mental debris. So living anywhere but the present is the final
habit change or shift I will talk about today. Do this for yourself and
you will see profound results. This shift will create mental space for new
opportunities and is one of many secrets behind "The Secret."
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