“Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment,
and learn again to exercise his will - his personal responsibility.” -
Albert Schweitzer
“The greatest thing a man can do in this world is to make
the most possible out of the stuff that has been given him. This is success,
and there is no other.” - Orison Swett Marden
While
hiking along a Maine mountain trail with my step-daughter Catherine, the
subject turned to responsibility. A horsewoman (one of her many accomplishments)
Catherine is an advocate of natural horsemanship. As we were scrambling
down the steep path Catherine pointed out that in natural horsemanship the
focus is on developing a safe and trusting relationship with the horse.
Once this relationship has been established, the horse understands responsible
behavior and will respond accordingly. On the trail, she explained, the
horse is responsible for securing sound footing. The rider is responsible
for proper riding, but not for the horse’s footing.
Soon we were tossing around questions such as these: Who is responsible
for what you eat? Who is responsible for what your children eat? Who is
responsible for your boss? Who is responsible for your friend’s husband?
Who is responsible for your financial situation? You get the picture…
It is almost impossible to read a newspaper or turn on the television
without hearing how someone must be held accountable for one disaster or
another. Then there are the ads from lawyers saying that someone must pay
for what happened. Accidents, natural disasters and personal responsibility
are out of vogue. Playing the blame game and hoping for a big payoff are
widely accepted standards, at least in the media. This national whining
needs to be replaced by a hard look at personal responsibility.
Back to Basics
We need to acknowledge that we are solely responsible for the choices we
make. We are responsible for the way we choose to feel and respond. We
and we alone choose what we eat, what we spend (and save), who and what
we allow into our minds and space and the pressures we endure. Through
our choices we create our relationships, our careers, our stress, our self
worth and our attitudes.
Yes, terrible things do happen that are outside our control. The 5th anniversary
of September 11th is certainly proof of that. I was buoyed by many stories
associated with that terrible tragedy, stories of survivors who have chosen
to go on with their lives in very positive ways. They demonstrate what it
means to let go of a shattering experience, to decide to be responsible
for their own lives and to move ahead with personal power. The opposite
is survivors who choose anger, those who blame someone, anyone, for their
misfortune. What these unfortunate souls really choose is to stay stuck
in pain.
When we shun personal responsibility we never quite grow up, and we suffer
a plethora of consequences from a stressed-out work life to unsatisfying
relationships, from addictions to financial and physical ill health. We
hear the language of personal irresponsibility expressed constantly: You
have to accept the luck of the draw. Can you believe everything that happens
to me? It’s just my luck? You can’t win. I am who I am, there’s
no changing me. Life just isn’t fair. It’s not my fault. With
my crazy family, what do you expect?
Have you said those things? I have! From now on, when you hear them, either
from yourself or from others, I want you to think, I’m hearing a lack
of personal responsibility.
Saying and thinking these things doesn’t make us bad people. What
it signifies, I believe, is our lack of the awareness of personal responsibility.
In order to live our best lives we need to review what it means to be personally
responsible.
Personal Responsibility Assessment*
Take this assessment to find your personal responsibility strength. I found
it eye-opening. After you’ve finished I challenge you to take the
actions suggested. We make choices everyday that inform our future. This
is one of them.
Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 as to the level of personal responsibility
you have accepted in each of the following areas: (Use the following scale.)
1 I am always irresponsible
2 I am usually irresponsible
3 My irresponsibility is balanced out with responsibility (neutral)
4 I am usually responsible
5 I am always responsible
Rating Area in Life:
___ a. Taking the preventive and maintenance measures to ensure physical
and emotional health
___ b. Taking the preventive and maintenance measures to ensure financial
health
___ c. Controlling weight and over-eating
___ d. Stopping smoking, excessive drinking, and drug abuse and controlling
excessive gambling, shopping, and sexual behavior
___ f. Controlling job-related stress and work addiction
___ g. Taking the preventive, and maintenance measures to ensure healthy
relationships
___ h. Taking the necessary steps to overcome my current problems and troubles
___ i. Taking the necessary steps to protect myself from being victimized
through my rescuing and enabling of others
___ j. Managing my time, managing the stress in my life, overcoming my fears,
and preventing burnout in my life
Score: A rating of 3 or less in any of the areas indicates
a need to accept personal responsibility.
Action: Identify the beliefs that prevent acceptance
of responsibility for yourself in each area. Develop new, rational, replacement
beliefs to help you accept responsibility for yourself.
More Action: You are now ready to develop a plan of action.
For each applicable area of your life, identify the actions you will take
to accept personal responsibility. Set a timetable and get started!!!
*Excerpts from: www.coping.org, James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance
Messina, Ph.D.
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