One
of the greatest gifts any of us can give our children or grandchildren
is to let them know that we place a high value on contentment. The best
way to convey that message is to model it. Do you want to teach your children
that bigger and faster and more is what you truly value? Do you want them
to create a world where chasing fireflies is a lost art? Even the busiest
executive can model contentment by learning to savor special moments.
We savor through our senses, and we gain contentment by collecting those
moments and being at peace with life as we meet it.
I had to learn this the hard way, but I think I've finally figured it
out: The main mission in life is to become a person who is in harmony
with the world as we pass through. Life doesn't have to be a constant
struggle. Why make it so hard?
One sentence from Cheryl Richardson's new book, "The Unmistakable
Touch of Grace" caused me to shift. She asks, "How would your
life change if you were as good at surrendering as you are at trying to
be in control?" Bingo, the light bulb blinked on! That would mean
I could stop struggling and simply relax into what is. That would mean
cultivating the habit of choosing my battles, the ones that really matter,
and letting the rest go. That would mean trusting in God instead of always
thinking I know what is best.
All that striving to achieve, to make a fortune, to die with the most
toys (as a popular bumper sticker says) is nothing, I have found, compared
to accumulating sweet memories and finding contentment.
What Will You Say at Your 90 th Birthday Party?
Recently I asked the members of one of my group coaching programs to
write the speech each would want to deliver at their 90 th birthday party.
None wrote about becoming rich or famous or buying a huge boat or closing
a mega real estate deal.
Instead they shared glimpses of their best memories – a 40 th birthday
party in the garden with friends, balloons and fine china; floating with
the family down a cool green river one summer afternoon; cruising on Boston
Harbor with dear friends and mellow music; one spoke of the joy of helping
her mother hang clothes on the cloths line...
Listening to those "speeches" we all came to realize that
it's not what we accomplish that makes our lives satisfying, it's the
contentment we feel and the special moments we accumulate. What my group's
best memories had in common was simplicity, love and contentment. The
more of those memories we accumulate, the more content we feel. But we
have to create the space so the good times can happen.
Life is not a destination, but a journey. The difference between a life
of contentment and one of angst is how well we spend the journey. We can
pace in airports while chattering on cell phones; we can forego family
time in the name of duty; we can race from one meeting to the next, but
at the end of the day, what will really matter? What wisdom will you want
to pass on to your great grandchildren at your 90 th birthday party?
What perfect moments are you collecting? What can you do this week to
teach your children and grandchildren that finding contentment in perfect
moments is more important than your cell phone? What worries and struggles
can you let go to make space for love and contentment? How would your
life change if you were as good at surrendering as you are at trying to
be in control?
"Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of
traveling."
- Margaret Lee Runback
"We do not remember days, we remember moments."
- Cesare Pavese
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