So how do we reinvent ourselves? To some reinvention comes naturally. Rolling with the punches is a necessary instinct, part of coping. To others reinvention is as alien as turning a horse into a cow. These people can't imagine how it could work for them.

There are occasions in life when we are so broadsided by circumstances that we have only two choices: We can either learn what we can from the situation, then make lemonade from the lemon, as the old saying goes, or we can crash like the oak. Making lemonade isn't painless by any means, but it's not as messy as crashing. Furthermore, when we crash we have a tendency to take people with us.

Here are two real-life stories that illustrate my point:

I know a man, Michael, who was in line to become president of a large New England company. When the board of directors finally voted, Michael was passed over for another, lesser-known candidate. That was 28 years ago. Much boozing and two wives later, Michael has never gotten over his disappointment. He left that company immediately, and has not worked in any meaningful way since. He simply can't imagine a profession or a direction other than the one he first chose. Michael has tenaciously held onto his vision of how life should have worked out. Instead of reinventing himself, all his talent has been channeled into regret.

Lana's husband left her with three young children when she was a thirty-four year old, stay-at-home mom. Because she had married before completing college, Lana had few professional options. To make matters worse, she lived on an island where business opportunities were limited. Then, of course, there was the problem of childcare. The hardest part, Lana once told me, was getting over the fact that life was going to be very different than she had imagined. "Once I accepted that my future was up to me, I was able to stop grieving and get down to deciding what to do," she relayed. Today Lana is the largest real estate agent on the island. Her career started with weighing her talents and work options, measuring her likelihood of success, getting the proper education, then getting to work selling one house at a time. Lana reports that she has no regrets.

When the storm hits

• It never fails: Just when we think we're sitting pretty, something comes along to knock us off our perch. Since this is a never-ending part of the cycle of life, we must learn how to bend, or risk being broken. Here are some things to remember when the storm hits:
• Stay nimble. Understand that change is a natural part of living, and without change our lives would be incredibly dull.
• Get detached from the end game. This seems contrary to all we hear about goal setting and following our dreams, but our dreams are just dreams, and reality is probably a whole lot more interesting than anything we could dream.
• Forget those secondhand expectations. So what if your dad always said you were destined to be president? Is that what you want?
• Give yourself some time to acknowledge your feelings of loss, then..
• Get over it - whatever it is. Life isn't fair. Sometimes it's tragic. Often it's sad. But your life is what you make it, so roll up your sleeves and start creating.
• Understand your personal values. Working and living with your values will make you very happy. Discovering true values, after a lifetime of doing what's expected, can be a challenge, but it can also be the door to your future.
• Be realistic and creative about your talents. What do you do exceptionally well? Is this different from what you have always done? How can you marry your talents to your values?
• Work with a coach to get the most for yourself. This is the time to let go and have some fun.
• Keep it simple. Do you need to prune? Are all those things really necessary? The simpler your lifestyle, the more nimble your life.
• Look for the rainbow. The storm will have blown you off course and set you down in a place you would never have imagined. Your pot of gold is all that you've learned along the way and what you make of it.