It was a warm September evening when I first met Frank.
A mutual friend referred him to me for some career and life coaching,
so I agreed to meet at a South Shore restaurant. He arrived on his Harley,
looking pale and distracted. As we strolled across the parking lot,
the post-summer twilight made me want to stay outside. Frank seemed
so dejected I wondered if he would be able to focus on whatever brought
him here.
As we slid into a booth, he told his story. Frank is a computer programmer
who was working from home. For the past five months he had been under
tremendous pressure, writing code for a project where he had no support
and only remote supervision. Some weeks he worked as much as 100 hours,
eating at his computer and falling into bed for short naps. By the time
we talked Frank's life was unraveling. Obviously isolated, he had become
depressed and withdrawn. He grew fearful of social contact. Trips to
the grocery store were a challenge, and a night out with friends was
difficult. “I know I completely missed summer,” he said, “and I know
this is no way to live. This is the first time I've ridden my Harley
since last year.”
Stressed in Your Job? You're Not Alone
Frank's story
is extreme, but it serves as a cautionary tale. In a recent Gallup Poll
80% of workers reported feeling stress on the job. Nearly half say they
need help in learning how to manage stress, and 42% say their coworkers
need such help. In a 2000 Integra Survey 62% of workers routinely find
that they end the day with work-related neck pain, 44% reported stressed-out
eyes, 38% complained of hurting hands and 34% reported difficulty in
sleeping because they were too stressed-out. A 1999 government report
found that the number of hours worked increased 8% in one generation
to an average 47 hrs/week with 20% working 49 hrs/week.
As a business and life coach I find that most people who seek my help
to design a better life need to get work-related stress under control
before they can move ahead. The one question I ask that stumps most
people is this: What do you do for fun? Most forgot about fun a long
time ago. In order to bring their lives back into balance I like to
refer to downtime as playtime.
Where Can You Add Some Playtime To Your Routine?
So what can we do
to combat this workaholic trend? I like to start with a time budget.
Keeping in mind that life is short, it is important to analyze just
what we do have available and then plan accordingly. For example, we
have approximately 112 waking hours each week, and approximately 52
hours devoted to working and commuting. That leaves 60 hours of discretionary
time, but much of that is devoted to shopping, helping the kids with
homework, mowing the lawn, etc.
Face it; there is so much clutter in our daily lives that finding
time alone, or with those we love, to nurture the part of ourselves
that keeps us whole requires ingenuity. It is essential to find a place
for playtime, or at least peacefulness, in your time budget. I think
of it as adding oil to your car's engine. If you keep ignoring the requirement
to lubricate that engine, it will seize up and become useless.
I challenge you to find daily pockets of time to put energy back into
your psyche? For now it may be unrealistic to see blocks of time, but
the busiest person can find small slices that add color and variety
to each day. Start with your senses. Most of us are so focused on what
needs to get done that we don't REALLY look at what's around us. We
need sensual touchstones to counter the daily grind. We need connections
to something greater than ourselves.
What can you SEE on your way to work or during your lunch hour that
will give you a lift? One gray, winter day I was walking along the waterfront
in Plymouth on my lunch hour when a fishing boat came gliding into harbor.
Dozens of gulls were soaring overhead looking for a bite from the catch.
That scene was so beautiful, so quintessentially New England that I
stopped and then noticed that I was smiling, relishing the moment. When
I went back to my office my mind was refreshed. I had banked that peaceful
scene to counterbalance the hurly burly of business.
What peaceful scenes can you bank? When can you be alone with music
you love? When can you find time to romp with your children? When can
you get out for a walk, even for a few minutes, to relish the seasons,
to feel rain on your face, to smell lilacs coming into bloom? What can
you do that will be pleasurable? How can you take those moments and
build them into rituals that will nourish you?
Develop Home Systems That Support You and Your Family
Another strategy
for combating stress on the job is developing home systems that work
for your family. One of my clients, Jane, described a day that started
with emptying the dishwasher at 5 AM and ended with paying bills at
midnight. In between this single mom runs a department as a senior executive.
When we started working together I half-jokingly suggested she take
a week off to get her home systems organized. To my surprise she jumped
at the idea. She returned to work much calmer knowing that she had dealt
with unfinished projects and had a plan in place for smoother daily
and weekly routines. And yes, she was able to find some slices of time
for her own pleasure.
Here are some examples of home systems:
- Regular family meetings where
mutual activities such as meal planning and preparing are delegated
and organized.
- Rituals for fun family time and homework.
- A system for mail sorting
and bill paying
- House rules for laundry, clutter, cleaning, etc.
For People Who Work From Home
With so many people now working from home, the line between work and
relaxing has become blurred. I found this when I moved my office home
two years ago. All of a sudden I could answer email at 10 PM. Instead
of shutting down at 5, I could work until 6:30 PM, and then be back
at my computer by 7:15 PM. Does that sound familiar?
I've devised a plan that has worked with lots of clients. The first
step in utilizing this plan is to understand that it is a tool to organize
your time and your attitude. Work and play can co-exist, but not without
some clearly stated ground rules. You'll need to adapt this plan to
your own work style.
The Work /Play Plan For Home Business People
1) Set
a quota for the hours you will work on a given day. If
you need to work eight hours, decide in the morning just when those
eight hours will be. It's OK to break the eight hours into segments,
say four before noon and four later in the day. Working in the early
morning is an option. That leaves the flexibility to work around the
tide, trips to the beach, shopping or other plans. Be sure, however,
that the work blocks are long enough to get something accomplished.
2) Do not blur work and play time. When you work, concentrate fully
on the task at hand. This is easier to do when you know you can play
golf at a specific time. In fact having scheduled playtime can be a
great motivator for getting work done. When I am sailing or gardening
or walking the dogs, I don't feel guilty that I'm not working. I know
I have a work schedule that allows me to accomplish all I need.
3) Add these two cautions:
- Don't check email during playtime. Simply
catch up during the next work period.
- Turn your cell phone off when
you're enjoying playtime. The cell phone addiction is as destructive
as the email addiction when what we truly need is a change of pace.
Balance is Key
Frank's experience shows what can happen when we allow
our lives to get out balance. The old adage, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull
boy,” is more appropriate now than ever. Along with work we need healthy
doses of time for our families and friends, recreation, fitness, community
involvement and spirituality.
Frank has learned this and is moving ahead. He has started a new job,
still programming, where he travels some and works inside his company
two days a week. He is working out regularly to get back into shape,
and enjoys going out with friends again. In short Frank has become an
advocate for adding fun to his life. He can hardly wait to jump on his
Harley come spring.
Now it's your turn. What are you going to do to put more balance into
your life? What changes do you need to make to nurture yourself so that
you can live with zest? What is the most important thing you can do
right now, today?
As for me, I'm off to Duxbury Beach to look for sea glass.
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