Recently I drove into Boston during rush hour traffic. Everywhere cars, especially the flashy high-end models, were speeding and lane surfing and flashing their lights signaling others to get out of their way. The people driving those cars were treating everyone alike, and their message was clear: Get out of my way because I'm in a rush to... (You fill in the blank). You see this attitude in airports too, where people talk loudly on cell phones, pacing and telling all of us about the deals they are putting together.
Where and what are they rushing off to? They can't all be late to catch planes. They don't all have career defining meetings that morning. For that matter, what is any of us rushing toward? What is so important that others must get out of our way? Do we rush because it makes us feel good? Do we get high from lane surfing and transmitting our importance over cell phones in public places?
A few weeks ago I spent a hectic morning shuttling from my hotel at the edge of London's Heathrow Airport to Terminal 4. We looped a few times through clogged traffic to arrive at the terminal, and then boarded a tram, which transported us to another entrance where we descended in an elevator to a lower level only to board a subway, which moved us to yet another location. Along the way I noted a large billboard showing a woman getting a facial and a pedicure while sitting in an airport lounge, working on her laptop and talking on her cell phone. This message from IBM said, "We Drill Deeper," meaning the woman was getting more and more information from her laptop in the comfort of an airport waiting area.
While the woman in the billboard may have been getting more information, I can assure you she wasn't getting any closer to herself. That morning made me acutely aware of the assault we are under from the modern world and how far we can be distanced from our true selves and our values.
Is Anyone Home In There?
We are a people in search of ourselves. I sense that we are driven because we don't know exactly where we are headed or what we are looking for, but we know whatever it is we must get it first and have more of it than anyone else. We are inheritors of the Industrial Revolution, and we've been witness to the Information Age. Somewhere in all of that upheaval we've lost contact with ourselves.
We are now three or four generations removed from our ancestors who lived simple lives connected to the earth and to each other. True, many of our forebears had very difficult lives, but they were difficult due to the basic need for survival. On the contrary our emphasis on getting more and more, faster and faster has nothing to do with basic survival, and it has backfired. Instead of life getting simpler and easier, we are losing touch with the essence of what makes us human-our core values.
I believe there are a number of reasons why we feel compelled to perpetuate the rush to nowhere. Here are just a few. Notice the preponderance of outside influences.
- We inherit high expectations from our families, our peers, our culture, and ourselves.
- We are bound by economic "necessity" whether real or social.
- We bow to peer pressure, which asks us to measure up and keep up.
- We are living someone else's dream.
- We get caught up in it all, and we just don't think.
- We are too tired and too harried to look at what is happening to us.
Drill Down to Your Core
When I see people that I suspect are in the rush to nowhere, I want to shout, "Will the real person in there please step forward!" I think that real person gets lost chasing phantom dreams, without knowing what is truly desired. Inside each of those striving, rushing people is someone who would benefit from answering these questions:
- What would my lifestyle be like if I could just be myself?
- What is REALLY important to me?
- What does success mean to me? Will I recognize it when I reach it?
- What and who truly makes me happy?
- What do I want my children to say about me?
- What are my fondest memories?
- What are my deepest regrets?
- What do I REALLY want for my life?
- What is the easiest and best way to get what I REALLY want?
- What do I believe? Do I have a spiritual connection?
- What do I want my children to learn from me?
- What gives me joy and contentment?
- What would make me most proud at the end of your life?
- What percent of my time is spent pursuing what is REALLY important?
Now it's your turn. Try drilling down to the true you. Peel away the layers. Begin by asking yourself these questions and others that you feel would shed light on your core values.
A Little Balance Adds a Lot of Joy
Balance comes when we are able to reorient our lives around the things that make us uniquely ourselves. In answering the questions you will have identified your core values. Most of us aren't in a position to quit what we're doing to run a dive shop on Mustique. On the other hand, we can put more of those valued activities and people into our daily routines.
We can walk outside for a beautiful sunset or drift off to sleep listening to Mozart. We can make spending time with our families a daily priority. We can talk to our kids about our values, because our kids learn what's important from us.
Putting balance into our lives by honoring our values requires self-discipline, but the reward is worth the effort. It really comes down to one more simple question: Do you want to spend your life rushing off to nowhere, with no end in sight, or do you want to have a richer, simpler life that gives joy to you and those you love?
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