Aloha from beautiful Kauai where the sun is shining and trade winds are blowing puffy white clouds along the horizon. I start each day overlooking pounding blue waves, with journal and coffee in hand. In the distance, surfers wait for the perfect curl. Edging the beach hibiscus bushes produce a new crop of blossoms each dawn. Those lush, tissue-thin petals of scarlet and magenta and white, their yellow stamens thrusting toward the sun, will wilt and fall away overnight, but in the morning there will be fresh blooms. There is a lesson for us in Mother Nature’s rejuvenation. We must constantly tune to our own unfolding and be aware of what we miss when we get bogged down in worn out patterns, unable to break through to life’s next phase or adventure.

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Become the Project Manager of Your Life

Have you ever felt stuck, caught in a situation or point in your life when you seem to be unable to move ahead? Virtually everyone gets that feeling sooner or later. In fact the complaint of “being stuck” is the one I hear most often when clients start their work with me. One day it dawns on them that they have been thinking the same thoughts, making the same excuses, living with the same fears and failing to take action for months or years while life is flying by.

Here are some common areas where people get stuck:

1. Career – This is perhaps the most common of all. After working in a profession or role for a period of time, and building both a good resume and a good salary, it becomes increasingly difficult to make a change. All sorts of fears come into play including fear of making a wrong move, fear of being a failure and fear of loss of status or income. These are legitimate, but if they keep you paralyzed in an unhappy situation, they need to be confronted.
2. Disappointment – When a life-altering event such as divorce, loss of a loved one or a change in position or financial status occurs, it is necessary to allow time to mourn. But sometimes that loss takes on a life of its own, and becomes the new identity. If you are stuck in disappointment you likely have difficulty recognizing it. Disappointment that gets stuck can become victim-hood, a most unattractive state that can ruin your life.
3. Fear of failure or success – Arguably two sides of the same coin these twin fears keep many stuck. On the one hand there’s the fear that by moving beyond your “comfort zone” you may fail, thus proving your worst fear, that you are inadequate. On the other hand, if you do succeed you will find yourself out on a limb, so to speak, needing to keep on succeeding. These two fears stymie many small business owners.
4. Unproductive patterns – These often grow out of needs, including the need to be needed, the need to belong, the need to be loved, the need for security, etc. This is a huge topic, but for our purposes here, understand that a thwarted need will keep you stuck until it is recognized and addressed. Many people allow themselves to remain in destructive relationships, for example, because of unmet needs. The Johnny Lee lyric, “looking for love in all the wrong places” comes to mind.
5. Indecision – The fear of making a decision is a major contributor to being stuck. One reason for this fear is that people feel great pressure to make the RIGHT decision. Indeed there is no such thing as a right or wrong decision, as every decision is a learning experience that leads to the next decision. In my experience, women who are emerging empty nesters often get stuck in decision-making.
6. Situational – Sometimes life throws you into a situation where you are stuck for a period of months or years. Caring for an aging parent or ill family member is one of these. A serious financial setback is another. Those who emerge with wisdom and grace from these difficult situations inspire me. I have seen others grow bitter. The choice of how to respond is always yours.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I offer it as some of the situations I see frequently. Once you have determined that you are “stuck” it is essential to do something to get moving again. No one is going to rescue you from yourself. You must do the work in order to reap the reward.

Action Plan For Getting Unstuck
No two people respond alike, but I have found the following steps to be highly effective in helping people get to the bottom of their inertia and begin to move ahead.

1. Get the facts. More often than not it is fear that keeps you stuck. You combat fear with facts. As painful as it may be, you must find out the truth of your situation. What is real and what is imagined? What is the worst-case scenario and how will you live with that if it is true? Knowledge is power. You must learn the baseline facts in order to move ahead. Money issues are often at the root of fear, and being an adult about money means that you learn the facts and begin to plan accordingly. Relationships are another great source of fear. Find out what will happen if you say what you need or what doesn’t work for you. Get the facts and gain perspective.
2. Investigate the options.  Given the facts and perspective that you have gathered in Step 1, what options are available to you? List these and decide which one(s) will get you started moving out of your rut. What will you need to change? What should you add? What will need to be eliminated? What dream have you previously discarded as being too outrageous? What adjustments will you need to make in order to move forward?
3. Make a simple change first. When you are stuck, initiating forward motion is very important. You don’t need to know exactly where you are headed, but it is essential to change something. If you are fed up with your procrastination about finding meaningful work or cleaning the clutter out your environment or losing that extra 10 pounds, make a simple change. What one action can you take that will get you moving ahead? What do you need to clear away in order to make room for a more rewarding future?
4. Get support when and where you need it. If you know someone who can help you get moving, by all means ask for his or her advice and support. Turn to those you trust for some outside perspective. If you need to learn about career options, ask a few friends to introduce you to people in the fields of interest. If you need to meet new people, build a network. If you are unsure of your strengths, ask friends to help clarify them. If you need accountability, ask someone if you can check in on a routine basis or hire a coach.
5. Become your own project manager - create an action plan. Decide what you want your situation to look like in six months. This doesn’t need to be a totally crisp picture, but generally what would your life look like if you were out of this rut?  Now work backward: What will you need to put into place, in order to make that happen? List everything you will need to do, and then decide in what order these will need to happen. Get a calendar and make a timeline that will get you where you want to go on time. Plan a major reward at the end.
6. Shift your focus from “stuck” to action. Once you have started taking action steps, be sure to congratulate yourself every step of the way. Plan mini celebrations for milestones reached. You deserve to think of yourself as going somewhere. Forget about the past and focus on where you are headed. Have fun getting there.
7. Get spiritual support. I find in my practice that people are hungry for a spiritual connection and, because that component is often lacking, they don’t think to ASK for guidance. Asking for guidance, listening for answers and trusting in the outcome is the surest method I know of moving toward a fulfilling life.

There is no Nirvana
For more years than I care to admit, I felt that if I could just accomplish one more thing, get the kids launched, make enough money, learn enough I would cross over into nirvana where life got easy and I would be able to sit back and rest on my laurels. I would get “there.” Now that I’ve gotten “there” many times, I’ve finally realized that there are always going to be new challenges, new mountains to climb and new ruts to climb out of.

I believe that the secret to a satisfying life is taking what we’ve learned along the way and putting that knowledge to use in the next cycle. In that way we gather wisdom and courage and love that we then pass along to others. In that way we continually shed limiting beliefs and evolve toward our highest selves. Getting stuck is part of the cycle, but staying there too long can stop the cycle. Don’t let that happen to you.

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Make 2007 The Best Year Of Your Life! Attract What Is Good Workshop – Part 2 Holy Family Duxbury, Begins April 24
By popular request I am offering an advanced section of the popular Attract What Is Good Workshop series beginning at Holy Family Parish Center on April 24th. This workshop, which will cover personal values and needs as well as topics of interest to the group, is open to those who have completed one or more of my workshops. Please call or email for further information. Space is limited.
jcollins@joancollinscoach.com  or 781-934-6804.

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Start Your Own Attraction What Is Good Workshop! – Do you have a group of friends or co-workers who would be interested in starting a coaching group or workshop? These private groups become quite dynamic, supportive and invigorating. If you would like to speak with me about starting a group or if you would like me to speak with your potential group, please call or email me. Limited times are available.

Does Your Group Need a Speaker?

I provide an entertaining and interactive opportunity for groups to view life from a fresh perspective. If you are looking for a speaker to energize your group, you’ve come to the right place. Please call for references and details. 781-934-6804 or email jcollins@joancollinscoach.com. 

Individual Clients:
Do you need to get unstuck? I can help you. Call or email me to arrange for a sample session. Call 781-934-6804 or email jcollins@joancollinscoach.com.  To understand more about the coaching process or the services I offer visit my web site www.joancollinscoach.com.

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If you are interested in a free sample session with life coach Joan Collins, please contact me.

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