“If your eyes are blinded with your worries, you cannot
see the beauty of the sunset.” - Krishnamurti
“I think these difficult times have helped me to
understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life
is in every way, and that so many things one goes around worrying about
are of no importance whatsoever.” -Isak Dinesen
Let’s face it; this is the time of year when most of us need a break
from winter doldrums. So we plan vacations to southern locales where we
can enjoy the sun’s warmth and rejuvenate our spirits along with our
cold bones. There is another vacation that you can take, however, that requires
no reservations, no airport security, no passport and no budget. This
vacation is, in fact, free, and judging from my own experience and that
of several clients, it is extremely rewarding. I call it the Vacation From
Your Self.
You know you’re ready for the Vacation From Yourself when you are
worn out with fretting about a particular subject. Perhaps you are worried
about money, or your career or your children, or the success of your business
or a loved one’s health. Worry is non-discriminatory in that it affects
people of all races and economic conditions. It is not a province of the
poor any more than the rich, and once it becomes entrenched it is a particularly
stubborn curse to overcome.
One
reason worry is so vexing is that it causes us to engage in circular, habitual
thinking. The more we engage in it, the more entrenched it becomes. I
believe the seeds of worry are planted early in life through beliefs that
we learn and accept as truth. These become our expectations, and it is when
we become attached to those expectations that worry rushes in. If,
for example, you grew up believing that you would always be taken cared
of materially, and if for some reason that security is taken away, your
attachment to the old belief makes it difficult to move beyond the loss,
to invent a new reality.
Another form of worry is frustration at not being able to solve a problem.
For example, you may have tried for years to succeed in business, yet success
eludes you. Over time this frustration may result in obsessive thinking
that takes over and robs you of the everyday joys available to us all.
What happens when you lock onto circular thinking is that you block other,
more creative thoughts. As a result you focus almost entirely on what is
lacking or vexing or wrong. Is it any wonder, in that negative state of
mind, that you have trouble seeing solutions and possibility and perceiving
the blessings that are available in great quantity?
How the Vacation From Your Self Works
I learned this trick of taking a vacation from myself several
years ago, when I was making myself crazy from worry. One day I realized
that a substantial chunk of my life was being devoted to pursuing an outcome
I simply couldn’t control.
I still remember the moment when it occurred to me that I needed a break.
What would happen, I wondered, if I let go of fretting about the situation
for a significant period of time? (I knew I couldn’t let go altogether
because, I reasoned, if I let go of it, no one would be out there to worry
about it for me!) So I made a date to take a vacation from my angst
until July 4th, four months away, and then take it up again in earnest.
Well, guess what? When July 4th came I was no longer interested. The logjam
had been broken. By opening my mind and enjoying my life day by day, a whole
new perspective was born. When I looked at my calendar and saw the
date I’d made to resume worrying, I saw just how closed my mind had
been. The new reality was freeing and brimming with possibility.
Mini-Vacations
In the course of working with clients I’ve realized that
mini-vacations work exceedingly well too. Let’s say you have a stressful
job, with a boss who makes endless demands that seem impossible to meet.
In that instance I would always urge a forthright conversation and the
setting of a boundary. But if you are very conscientious and still feeling
stressed, or if the boundary is ignored and you can’t leave your
job, there is another solution.
Set aside an hour each day to worry about all the things that you “need” to
worry about. When something arises that causes you to fret, simply say to
yourself, “I can’t think about that until my worry hour, from
2 – 3 PM.” As ridiculous as it sounds, that tactic works. It
enables you to work efficiently for the other hours of the day, and when
you go home, you don’t have to take the worries with you, because
you always have your worry hour the next day. Clients who have tried
this say they find that the hour shrinks over time, and pretty soon the
worry habit no longer dominates their work.
When you are freed from circular thinking, you allow your brain to interpret
input in new and productive ways. Often that elusive outcome has become
outdated, but you were so busy clutching at the desired result that you
hadn’t even noticed. Sometimes during a vacation from your self
you have the opportunity to view “success” from a different
angel, and what you previously thought of as success has taken on a whole
new meaning. You couldn’t see it while you were busy chasing it.
February is a good time for a Vacation From Your Self. If you need one,
you’ll recognize it as soon as you ready these words. Make a date
with yourself to take time off from your worries at least a month, or more,
and trust that God will take care of them while you are away. If it makes
you feel better, note the date on your calendar when you intend to begin
worrying again. And then go out and see what else is going on. Eat some
great meals, go to some wonderful movies, visit old friends, catch up on
your life. You’ll be amazed at what you’ve been missing.
This won’t work if you cheat, so be in integrity with your self,
and don’t even go near the worry subject until the designated date.
I’ll be interested to hear your results. What are you waiting
for? Get out your calendar and book that vacation right now!
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