Just
after posting my December newsletter we lost my 98-year old father. Dad
was born in 1907, when Teddy Roosevelt was president, the automobile was
brand new, and the Wright Brothers had just completed their historic flight.
Television was still nearly 40 years away and no one had dreamed of a computer. If
he wanted to go somewhere he walked or took a horse and buggy. He was born
into extreme poverty, buried his mother at twelve, and went off to work
in order to support his four younger siblings at thirteen. Over his lifetime
he made many decisions about how to respond to his situation, some positive,
some self-defeating. In the end the positives far outweighed the negatives
In the days after his death, in the process of preparing his eulogy, I
thought long and hard about dad’s life. The man we buried was the
quintessential American success story: affluent, a highly regarded pillar
of the community, a world traveler and so much more...
It’s quite an interesting challenge to assess a parent’s life.
I came to the conclusion, after talking with my sister and brother, that
the attributes we saw at the end - his tremendous sense of humor, his generous
spirit, his innate kindness and his deep spirituality were deepening and
unfolding throughout his life.
During the rough and tumble years, when he was helping to grow a large
and complex family business, supervising nearly 1000 people, raising us
and worrying about the Great Depression and Hitler and how FDR was ruining
the country, we didn’t always see his mellow side. But life
is about becoming, and dad became a gentle giant.
Who Are You Becoming?
What counts in the end, I feel, is how we dance with what shows up along
the way. Currently I am working with 36 individuals in three workshops.
Each of them has a story, and some of those stories make my heart ache.
Each person is searching and struggling and deciding to let something go,
or take a risk, or drop a grudge, or open a new door to possibility. Most
of us make change more difficult than necessary. We cling to old beliefs;
we live in fear of change; we hide from our own truth. Most of us
aren’t able to step outside ourselves to take the long view and see
ourselves on a continuum of responses.
One thing I learned from my dad is that life is indeed a journey. One
of his favorite sayings was, "This too shall pass." He gave me
the long view, the idea that the current crisis or situation would pass,
and something else would take its place. It was up to me to choose my reaction
and to live with and learn from the results. I also learned from him that "Nothing
is ever as good or as bad as it seems." A time or two over the years,
when I thought the world was ending, that line offered great comfort.
The fact is that we are all becoming. With each situation and each response,
no matter how great or small, we are in the process of evolving. We can
choose to evolve either positively by learning and expanding or negatively
by turning inward and shutting down.
"Who are you becoming?" Sometime soon, the next time you’re
stuck in rush hour traffic, or on a long flight, or sitting in a meeting
or attending your child’s hockey game, ask yourself that question.
It’s important!
Keep the End In Mind
At the end of your days, when someone is writing your eulogy,
what will they say about you? Will they be able to say:
- that you utilized your talents and gave life your best shot?
- that you saw opportunity with every challenge?
- that you had a generous heart and made room for those who crossed your
path?
- that you loved without expectation of return?
- that they learned their best lessons by watching you live?
- that you got better with age?
- that you were an inspiration?
You finish this list. You and only you know what you value, whom you are
influencing and who you wish to become. Once you’ve finished the list
you can make better choices about how to dance with what shows up in your
life.
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by popular demand, the Attract What Is Good In 2006 is continuing in April.
There are a few openings for those who want to learn how to break the patterns
that are keeping them from being the person they were created to be. You’ll
learn to manage your own life by dealing with self-limiting beliefs and
life’s changes. You’ll come to recognize your own potential.
If relationships and personal boundaries are a problem, you’ll get
feedback and tools to get on track. This workshop is geared to the needs
of its members.