Many of us have a habit of looking ahead to what we hope will happen in the future. Hope is essential for all of us, but continual living in hope for an imagined or expected future can cause us to under-value the present.
Laura, a real estate broker I know, is consistently busy with a steady stream of listings and commissions that produce a good living. She tells me she feels like a failure, however, because she has never had a "big hit" - a multi-million dollar listing. She says she has worked hard and feels she deserves the big listings, and she can't imagine why they don't come to her. When she gets them she'll be a "star," she says, but for now she is bored with her clients and her lack-luster listings.
Laura's dilemma is a pattern I see often in my coaching practice. My mother would have said Laura "can't see the forest for the trees." In other words, Laura invests her energy being frustrated over what she doesn't have and can't control, rather than nurturing and cultivating what she already has. When she is lukewarm about her current clients she is telepathing to everyone around her that she doesn't have the professionalism required to be a "star." To get a "big hit" Laura must convey professionalism in her mannerisms and in everything she thinks, says, wears and does. In short, she needs to believe in herself. She needs to
be the star she would be, right now.
The Loser Trap
Laura has fallen into the loser trap-thinking of herself as a loser, and in subtle ways conveying that self-image to everyone she meets. Laura is hardly alone in this activity. Many people get into the habit of focusing more on the reasons for their failures than the causes of their successes. This mind-set often results in failure to acknowledge successes when they come. The commission checks that Laura lives on are hardly "chopped liver" but she dismisses them as if they didn't count.
Leveraging What We Have NOW
The first step in getting out of the loser trap is to list all of your strengths, everything that you have going for you: your talents, skills, current customers, support staff, your health, your financial situation, your education, your managerial, leadership and communication skills, your relationships, etc. You get the picture. You want to note only the positives, the things you know you can leverage to improve your situation. In the course of generating this list, negatives such as credit card debt might surface. Place those negatives on a separate sheet and put that sheet aside for now. We are going to deal with the positives first.
Here's where the leveraging comes in. Once you have your long list of the positive things you have going for you, I want you to review each item carefully asking these questions:
- What must I do to nurture this strength in order to make it work harder for me?
- What support and resources do I need in order to utilize more of this strength?
- What energy is required to harness this strength? Where will that come from?
- What priorities must I have in place to capitalize on this strength? What can I let go?
- What negative energy is now pulling me away from honoring my own success?
- Is it possible that some of these strengths can be combined to re-focus my energy?
Let's use Laura again as an example. Her list indicated (among many other things) that she has great health, good communicator skills, excellent knowledge about real estate, and a long list of previous clients. When Laura asked the questions above, she soon realized she should be nurturing her past clients. She can do this by communicating with them regularly and asking for referrals. When she gets new listings she will put forth genuine effort, above and beyond the ordinary, to give superior service. Laura soon realized that in order to become a "star" in the future she must cultivate the present. In the process of answering the questions about support and energy, she understood that she hates routine paperwork that keeps her from pursuing her strengths, namely interacting with people. Her solution was to hire a part-time assistant to take care of those tasks that drain her energy.
What Needs To Be Accomplished Before Spring Breaks Through?
Let's face it; this winter hiatus is a wonderful time to regroup. That's just what Mother Nature is doing after all. What leveraging do you need to do right now? What systems do you need to put into place to support you in warmer more frenetic seasons? What tasks will ground you and re-invigorate your business and your life? What strengths do you need to be leveraging?
Perhaps the most important thought to take away from our winter hiatus is the understanding that what we do in the present is all there is. The past is gone and the future is uncertain. It is how we use what we have today that leads to our vision of tomorrow. Today is what we truly have. Winners are ordinary people who use everything they have in the present in an extraordinary way. You can do this too.
One last word about the list of negative items you may have uncovered during your strengths inventory: work that list hard. Beside each item note what you will do about it and a date when the task will be completed. Try to get them done before Spring. Just crossing these negatives off the list will give you energy for leveraging what you have.
Good luck!
"God helps them that helps themselves." Benjamin Franklin
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